Susie* grew up in the Pacific NW and made a career in a helping profession – and for most of her life, she had no reason to know about Solid Ground’s Broadview Shelter & Transitional Housing for domestic violence survivors. “But when your partnership dissolves into domestic abuse, you learn quick about community resources,” she says.

“Finding safe and secure housing is just the start of a healing journey. My ex and I had been together for six years. He pretty much lied to me and to our family about his job, lied about his degree. I was deceived; back then I was really trusting, too nice and naïve. I really wanted to trust him, but as time went on, he revealed himself.”

“Keep moving forward; you can reflect on the past, but don’t be stuck. Know you are not alone in this. That was a really big piece of healing for me – being proactive in actually moving on.” ~Susie, survivor & former Broadview resident mom

During her second pregnancy, the relationship became abusive. “I had big shame about this thing that was happening to me. The last straw was that he punched a hole in the wall. He pulled a gun on my brother that day,” she remembers. “I left.”

Soon, however, she went back to him out of fear, even giving him 50/50 custody of her children. “I kept nursing the baby until she was two years old to protect her from him. I was working, the baby was still nursing, and my oldest would go over there. He was abusing me. Then he turned on my daughter.”

Susie contacted the police, and while there wasn’t enough proof to charge the father, it was a catalyst for her to move the family to a YWCA shelter for domestic violence survivors. While there, she found out she was pregnant – again. Finally, they moved into Broadview’s Shelter, and their healing process could begin.

A grounding community of love

“Everyone who works there is extremely open, loving, and giving. I’m in a giving career myself, and it has been a balancing act for me to learn how to receive. I could call downstairs from my apartment to the Broadview office for help or just someone to talk to,” Susie says.

“It was like you’ve been walking on the beach, and your feet are hot, and you get to the water, and the tide comes in on your feet – and it’s like ‘aaahh’ – very comforting and grounding.”

“It was like you’ve been walking on the beach, and your feet are hot, and you get to the water, and the tide comes in on your feet – and it’s like ‘aaahh’ – very comforting and grounding.”

Enormously important was therapy for the kids, and parent support groups for Susie. “I loved the groups. Having all the cultures represented by Broadview residents come together there was a healing experience for me. There is no racial definition for abuse – it happens everywhere. The language interpreters come to groups, so you get to hear people’s experiences. Then when you share, you get to hear your pain go in all these different languages. It is pretty cool.”

Staff helped Susie create a more sustainable custody schedule, with the father only seeing the girls every other weekend. “I had to Skype with their dad once a week, and we scheduled groups after Skyping. I really owe so much to this experience. There is so much love and support.”

She adds, “Everybody there has their own ways of helping you heal – with the mental health stuff, the groups, one-on-one with your advocate, making goals. Keep moving forward; you can reflect on the past, but don’t be stuck. Know you are not alone in this. That was a really big piece of healing for me – being proactive in actually moving on.”

But she points out, “Just because you leave Broadview and move on with your life doesn’t mean you don’t have to deal with your ex or his games anymore. There is an ongoing pseudo-marriage that co-parenting imposes on domestic violence survivors. The courts only worry about proof verses truth.”

Support to build your own destiny

Broadview helped Susie find an apartment, and they moved in late last year. But she says, “I still rely on Broadview’s staff and groups for community and healing. I also had a chance to give back by leading a resident group on crystal therapy. I talked about chakras, how to ground yourself, clear your space, protect yourself. Women really enjoyed it!

“I’m so grateful I found such a healing, safe place to live. … The staff at Broadview were my village. They still are. … So much strength was harnessed and stored in my gut during my time there – enough for a lifetime.”

“I’m so grateful I found such a healing, safe place to live while caring for my two girls and newborn baby. The staff at Broadview were my village. They still are. There were four flights of steps to my unit. I was grateful for each one. So much strength was harnessed and stored in my gut during my time there – enough for a lifetime. I pray for the staff at Broadview to keep fighting the good fight for women who are brave enough to leave and choose their children. My past was a reality – but not my destiny.”

*Name changed for safety